BEX, 10:25 PM
Got
em..Will work on it tomorrow. :)
October
26th, 4:13 p.m.
got any
particular photos you would like me to use to make you a cover photo?
SIGYN
The one at
the top of my current cover photo ♥
BEX, 4:32
PM
go check
your wall. *whistles* ♥
/end
SIGYN, 11:26 AM
My FIL
looks a lot like Lucius.
BEX
how do you
contain yourself? *teases, giggling* I LOVE Lucius.
He's deff
on my list. *winks* everyone has a freebie list...he's right at the top. :P
SIGYN
[snip
pic]
DIBS
BEX
who is
THAT!
SIGYN
but you
would admittedly be a better match than his current girlfriend
The man in
the corset is my husband's father.
BEX
*speechless*
He looks so....young!
and you are
to sweet, thank you. *blushes*
SIGYN
He's 39,
and she's awful
BEX
39!
Wow...yea...ok....*grins* he's....*tilts her head, staring* hot.....I will
agree.
Lol
you don't
like her huh?
SIGYN
Oh, she was
lovely towards me.
But she's
emotionally abusive to him and his daughters.
BEX
oh that
kind of horrible...that is so not cool. *frowns*
SIGYN
[snip
pic]
The girl
there is my younger sister-in-law
BEX
and he's
got long hair...got a thing for guys with long hair. :) Aww, cute pic.
SIGYN
Same
BEX
*giggles*
Isn't it great! Run your fingers through it, play with it, love long hair on
men.
SIGYN
He is.my
exact type
BEX
Ok, i see
it now, he DOES look like Lucius! Holy shite!
SIGYN
I would
love to feel that silky hair on my collarbone as he was above me...
I TOLD YOU
SO
BEX
ask him to
dye his hair white then send me a pic. *giggles and blushes* omg, how close
that is...
SIGYN
He has
beautiful green eyes too
Uh, one
problem
He HATES me.
BEX
ohhhhh....*her
mood drops considerably* well then....
SIGYN
Still... If
Loki ever went after someone else I would go after him.
BEX
Good genes,
that's for sure.
SIGYN
Remember
when I talked about my father-in-law trying to start s rumor about me trying to
get
pregnant
and sabotaging condoms? That was James.
BEX
such mind
games for someone his age...*shakes head*
SIGYN
He and I
are occasionally capable of having a civil conversation when he wants
something, but mostly hes jealous of his son for having me or some such
nonsense
Or I remind
him too much of Mēgan, his current horrible gf
BEX
because you
two are happy and apparently, he isn't...would be my guess of why he is
jealous...
SIGYN
He was a
few months ago celebrating being rid of her after four years of abuse...but now
they're
back
together...she must have tricked him
BEX
Oh gods,
how horrible!
SIGYN
He had a
good girlfriend after her. I wonder what happened. Maybe she's just a bad
addiction.
BEX
yea, I know
what that's like. I had a person 'addiction' in my ex husband...thank god for
good friends though...they got me 'out' of it right quick
SIGYN
Well the
thing about me and Loki is, Loki and also James have a family legacy goal. I
support it and do all I can to help Loki
James never
had a girlfriend who did that for him.
*nods
seriously*
BEX
about time
he found one who did.
SIGYN
He has a
daughter-in-law who supports it. He should be happy with that
We used to
talk on the phone all the time, but when we met in person he didn't like that I
was really chatty and really clingy with Loki
BEX
true,
family is more then just blood, and he is lucky to have you to help...but
sometimes people just need someone for them...
SIGYN
True
And I ran
up to hug Loki, my spaghetti strap slipped...I caught James looking but
politely said nothing
BEX
men can't
help it...*chuckles*
hell, I
look...*smirks slightly* but then, I'm female :P
SIGYN
And
likewise, when I got drunk and texted him telling him I had feelings for him
and wanted him for my Dom, he politely didn't mention it later
Oh, I don't
mind at all~
BEX
ohhhh...you
did that? Oh my. *giggles* I am Dom so..I know all about that. *grins*
SIGYN
I know hes
attracted to me...he can look at the menu, see, he just can't order.
BEX
well,
Switch with Dom tendencies.
SIGYN
Drunk gyn
has horrible judgment
BEX
which
probably frustrates him, cause he can see his son has someone who is loving and
supports him and he knows he doesn't have that...
SIGYN
If he would
stop being such a DICK TO ME
I would
offer him support and affection too
BEX
He's a GUY!
Guys suck at emotions...we know this. Lol
some guys
do
SIGYN
I just wish
he had better judgement. Mēgan Martyn is the literal worst.
I would
rather he date Umbridge.
BEX
*laughs
hard and then pauses* wait...that's NOT funny.
Umbridge is
horrible!
SIGYN
I wasn't
joking.
Mēgan is
worse.
BEX
Slip him a
pic of me, sometime...*winks*
SIGYN
Do it
yourself
BEX
How?
SIGYN
He doesn't
speak to me unless he wants something
Or to
insult me
BEX
*growls
softly* not cool....I don't like that
SIGYN
[snip
profile link]
You didn't
get it from me
BEX
get what?
*grins*
SIGYN
Yes
He uses he
name of his LARP character
BEX
That's
cool! Thanks. I used to do a lot of LARP. Now I regulate it mostly to the
Highland Games.
SIGYN
Ahhh
BEX
yea, Me and
my 'family' (friends who are close enough might as well be family) hold the
Games
every
summer.
SIGYN
Cool! :D
BEX
:) You
should come out sometime. I think you'd like it.
SIGYN
All my
money goes to household expenses, my husband, and local travel
BEX
I
understand...:)
I just
might set aside something then. If ever you wanted to come. I don't mind.
SIGYN
♥ I know
Loki would be into it too
He looks
Nothing like his dad btw
BEX
He can come
too. *chuckles* We still trying to figure out where we will hold the next
Games. We
didn't get
to do it this year cause everyone was so busy...but next year....ohhhh that
will be fun!
SIGYN
[snip
pics]
Us in 2014
Hee~
BEX
awwww! You
two are so cute!
oh I like
that one
SIGYN
He is the
most adorable man
BEX
you guys
look happy. :)
SIGYN
We usually
are
If you
navigate to my page, he's the profile I'm Married To
BEX
I will
check it out...still unboxing a few hings today. bleh. Hehehe
SIGYN
Ahaha, okay
BEX
yea, got to
get my 'game' room just so. *giggles*
/END
11:55 AM
SIGYN, 9:31 PM
so because
my mother-in-law is a selfish jerk who doesn't care if her ex-husband is
abusing her son as long as I don't say anything about his situation on
Facebook...
His dad was
being a dick and treating him like he doesn't know anything because he's young.
Now he's returning to our old commune to meet like-minded folks for an
expedition we have been working on since we met.
BEX
oh
wow...what is wrong with people?
SIGYN
Agreed.
Loki will be doing the traveling and experimentation. I will be doing research
and funding through my job. I've been offered extra hours at work and am using
the extra money towards a joint account.
He will be
among peers and safe.
Also he has
dropped the poly thing (hopefully permanently) and is being his usual sweet
self, if a bit preoccupied with planning, but that is natural.
BEX
sounds like
fun, whatever you are planning. :)
SIGYN
Indeed! :D
I don't wanna jinx it by getting into details but it is quite literally
revolutionary and should help a lot of people who are rich in skills and ideas
but poor in money.
BEX
wow! cool!
Hope to hear of it as it progresses.
SIGYN
♥ Thank you
again for being such a supportive and understanding friend.
BEX
anytime...*hugs
and smiles* ♥
SIGYN
*hugs back*
BEX
♥
/END
9:39 PM
BEX, 10:18 p.m.
how are YOU
doing?
SIGYN
Relieved
BEX
good, that
makes me glad. *hugs*
SIGYN
I feel like
my husband will come back to me when he's okay again and he needs to discover
who he is outside of anyone's expectations.
*hugs*
BEX
I
agree...things will always work out alright
SIGYN
=^~^=
BEX
*smiles and
hugs*
SIGYN
I love my
lokeloke so much ♥ I hope the self he finds is even better than the self he
lost.
/end
10:22 p.m.
SIGYN, 12:37 a.m.
And they're
not so good again... He's still confused and I think he's ambivalent about
staying married to me
I'm giving
him more space but right now it feels heavy on my heart.
(7:42
a.m.) Update time.
Loki is
going through the painful process of "second thoughts", and I'm
pretty sure those second
thoughts
are not about me but are in fact about that thing he needs to have second
thoughts about.
I'm
voluntarily giving him space to think it through.
BEX, 8:21
a.m.
I think
things will be fine.
SIGYN
I have a
feeling they will, too. Waiting is hellish though.
BEX
I know, but
sometimes it can be a good thing. *hugs*
SIGYN
*hugs* is
the process of waiting. I have separation anxiety and every hour eats away at
me
BEX
I know, I
do as well, so I understand. but all will be well
SIGYN
Thanks :3
that helps
BEX
*smiles and
hugs tight* What are friends for?
Sorry, I
just woke up, my brain is still a little muddled.
SIGYN
Ah... True
/end 8:37 a.m.
BEX, 4:17 p.m.
I take it
everything is ok now? :D
SIGYN
He seems to
have just been lonely and wanted me to make plans to visit him. It was his turn
to make plans but he didn't know how.
BEX
oh well I
am glad that that poly business is out of the way! Yay!
SIGYN
I hope so.
*hugs*
BEX
*hugs* I am
certain
SIGYN
Thank you!
You are so
understanding. I know I can be insane sometimes. I really appreciate your
kindness
BEX
awwww...sthaaappp...*blushes*
you making me blush. *giggles* I am just your friendly fb wolf! :P
SIGYN
Okeh.
*pets*
/END 4:27 p.m.
SIGYN, 8:23 a.m.
My husband
is pursuing a path that will force us to part ways, and consequently him to
fail in fulfilling his life dream, but he is too stubborn to see it, and it is
hurting me. Also, I can't eat. Booze has calories. Otherwise I would just
starve.
BEX
Oh sigyn
*hugs tight* what is he doing? I hope things will work out for you all,
sometimes a new path
can work
out...things will be fine in the end, I am sure
SIGYN
So, when we
met, he was monogamous and after some smoothing down his rough edges, he became
quite devoted to me. But his dad, who always treated him badly, whom he
dislikes, who treated his mom like poo, whom he's terrified of ending up has,
has nonetheless influenced him to try to force me to agree to an open marriage.
His poor
young mind is clouded with his dad's poison, and whenever anyone tries to get
him to see reason, he just lashes out. He's...going insane. Believe me, I am
not a wife who would leave her husband wanting, in any way.
Also, he
wouldn't have the energy for a mistress. But he tries to find one, even though
he doesn’t know how to talk to women (which you would think would be a sign
that he found who he needs easily and doesn't need anyone else in that way).
If he
forces me to "adjust" to this crap, I will become something
different. I won't be the woman he fell in love with. Likewise, this demon
wearing my husband's face is not the man I fell in love with, and he will
flounder without me. He is much more likely to succeed in our dream if I am by
his side, happily planning alongside him, but I am not happy now, and we will
ne forced to part ways if he continues. I HAVE contingencies, but he will
spiral out and end up like his dad.
That is why
I'm drinking. It is also why I'm still so severely ill. The stress feeds the
illness. Loki is killing me, but he won't admit it.
BEX, 8:44
a.m.
Be right
back...in the DMV
(9:05
a.m.) Things always
work out the way they are supposed to, even if it isn't the way WE want them to
be. That is a very hard lesson that I had to learn quite a few years ago. It
isn't easy to watch those you love make mistakes, but then there is nothing you
can do about it either if they won't change but wait for them to realize on
their own, the mistakes they are making and be there for them when they finally
fall or return to themselves.
People with
family like that always strive to 'please' said parent because even though they
may hate the parent, they will always secretly earn for said parents love...I
know, me and my mom are like oil and water and most of my ptsd and anxiety
issues strive from her...and yet I know inside that that is my mom....I'm
'supposed' to love her and she is supposed to love me and it hurts cause i know
that will never happen but I ccan't just cut her out of my life either
SIGYN
Okay but
Im his
wife.
Like... I
understand what you're saying
But ... He
has said he doesn't want to be like his dad and doesn't care about his dad's
approval. And his priority should be me, his wife; not a parent, like a child.
BEX
I have been
in the open relationship thing, I am poly or have been...so i know a lot about
all that aspect of it. It is not for everyone, I know...but for those who make
it work, it can be very much a loving working, healthy thing. Not saying it's
for you...that's something you have to decide, but it is only society who tells
us that loving more then one person is wrong....anyway, I hear you, but stressing
yourself out when clearly he is 'stuck' in his own world right now won't do any
of you any good
SIGYN
NO
DO NOT WITH
ME.
Look.
HIM BEING
UNFAITHFUL TO ME IS NOT OKAY
BEX
You making
yourself sick over something that you can not change right now...just be
pacient...he will come around
SIGYN
I'm sorry
but this triggers me a lot
BEX
Calm down,
I didn't mean it was ok for you and him..I was just telling my side
SIGYN
I don't
want to be forced to be a part of that madness
I just want
my husband back!
I was his
one and only. I was his beautiful mate.
Icant do
tbisc
I'm sorry I
think I shouldn't be alive anymore. Im so soryy
BEX
Hey hey!
Don't you say that! Ever! *hugs tight*
This is
just a bump...all ships have them
Things will
get better
SIGYN
Ive had mt
own experiences with that kond of thing it doesn't work for me i dont want it
to work for anyome really
BEX
You just
gotta relax, breathe, take one day at a time. He will realize what he is doing
sooner later and when he does, you will be there
SIGYN
It hurts. I
need to be his one and only or i dont exist. Im mot real
Iwaited tot
Find him, I
waited 23 years, I went through a lot of shit to finally meet someone who
shares my dreams and sparks possibility in me
But you
see, the trouble is, directly before him, ...something happened with someone
that caused extreme separation anxiety.
BEX
It will get
better I promise it will
SIGYN
I don't
breathe easily without him there showing affection for me, and I mean that
literally. I have a degenerative lung thing.
BEX
I went thru
the same thing with my sister, she was going down a bad bad road...drugs and everything
but no matter how many times I talked to her, no matter how loud I shouted, she
wouldn't hear me or change her ways. I had to 'let go" for a while till
she finally hit bottom...but when she did and she decided to change, I was
there to help her back up
SIGYN
I'm sorry.
Im not going to kill myself. I had an anxiety attack. I cant handle the idea of
him wit anyone else. He needs to stand by his choice to he with me, and me
alone. Besides, becaise of how unique he is, he is unlikely to even meet anyone
else who shares the vision we have.
Okay that's
great BUT
Youre
missing the fact that I cant wait.
My health
will get worse without him.
The
depression and anxiety are literally the least of my problems and they are
pretty much all consuming when it comes to my consciousness.
BEX
It isn't
waiting sigyn...driving yourself sick over something you can't change right now
isn't doing either of you any good.
SIGYN
I AM NOT
DRIVINF ANYTHING GOD DAMN IT
How do you
not understand that?
I just AM
sick, and when he isn't there for me, it just GETS worse.
You think I
would still be sick, unable to exercise or eat or go to work, MY WORK WHICH I
LOVE, if I had a choice?
BEX
Your sick
now, worried...I understand that. But nothing is going to happen...nothing bad.
Things will be fine. Don't yell, I know...trust me I do. I'm just trying to
help....
Sometimes
I'm not good with the words going together thing
SIGYN
I know
you're trying to help,but the only thing that will help really would be him
coming back to me.
It's been
four days.
I know that
doesn't sound long
Every hour
drags on.
BEX
He will, he
will...he loves you, he will. Men just take a little longer to realize then us
when they are being 'dumb'. *chuckles softly, bad attempt to joke* he will be
back...I am certain.
And when I
am Certain...I am NEVER wrong
SIGYN
Becca, this
is terrifying for me. I haven't been able to make love to him since early June
since we live in different cities. I cant bear to think of him tainting himself
with some skank.
BEX
Kinda my
saying that I only say when I know something for sure...
He won't.
He loves you sillygoose or he wouldn't have married you
SIGYN
He needs to
realise that he loves me and what he's trying to do is both wrong amd doomed to
failure.
The thing
about polyamory is that it ONLY works if everyone consents to it.
BEX
He will see
it, and I know.
SIGYN
I cannot
consent. It isn't ~society brainwashing~ or whatever the fuck. It's my heart. I
literally need to be his one and only or my existence is pointless.
He'll see
it before he gets anywhere inappropriate with anyone?
And I'm not
mocking your words, by the way, the scare quotes was his bs argument
BEX
I can do a
'seeing' later if you want me to. *blushes a bit* not something I normally
offer...or blurt out but we are friends and I'll try.
I'll
explain that later as well. I'm still here but running errands..
SIGYN
I'm sorry I
lost it with you. I've had visions of how it'll turn out whichever path he goes
down, like, if he chooses to cheat on me, he will fail at his goals because we
will be forced to part ways as a natural consequence because neither of us will
be the person the other fell in love with. But if he stays true to me, we will
have a large, strong family of brothers and sisters gathered from all over, we
will work beautifully and our plans will come much closer to succeeding.
I think he
will choose to be true to me, but waiting for him to announce that conclusion
tears me apart.
(1:00
p.m.) But yes,
please do a seeing if youre offering
/end
